Ever heard of Murphy’s Law? Let’s take the theory a little further ……..
Murphy’s First Law: Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Murphy’s Second Law: Everything takes longer than you think.
Murphy’s Third Law: Whatever can go wrong. will go wrong.
Murphy’s Fourth Law: If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
Murphy’s Fifth Law: If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
Murphy’s Sixth Law: If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth way. unprepared for, will promptly develop.
Murphy’s Seventh Law: Left to themselves. things tend to go from bad to worse.
Murphy’s Eighth Law: If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Murphy’s Ninth Law: Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Murphy’s Tenth Law: Mother Nature is a bitch.
Murphy’s Eleventh Law: It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious.
Ever had to struggle with unrealistic accountants
order to claim your expenses?
Drop to your knees and thank God you don’t work
for the company that issued the following memo….
Memorandum
To: All Employees From: Headquarters
Subject: Business Travel Policy Guidelines
Date: June 16, 1996
Please be advised of the following changes to the avel policy guidelines…
Due to fiscal constraints, the following corporate policies are announced regarding employees on travel for official business. The purpose of these policies is to save money, thereby decreasing overheads.
Transportation
If commercial transportation must be utilised, the lowest cost tickets will be purchased. Airline tickets will only be authorized for purchase in extreme circumstances and, even in this case the lowest fares will be used. For example, if a meeting with a customer is scheduled in Bombay, but a lower fare can be obtained by travelling to Alaska, then travel to Bombay will be substituted by travel to Alaska. Bus transportation will be utilized whenever possible. Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transport is strictly encouraged. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on company business trips.
Lodging
All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives or friends while on company business. If this is not possible, then cost-effective alternatives should be exploited. Public areas such as parks and parking lots can be used during periods of good weather. In inclement weather, bridges may provide temporary shelter.
Meals
Expenditure for meals will be limited to the absolute minimum. It should be noted that certain grocery chains, much as “Safeways” and “Sainsbury’s” stores often provide free samples of promotional items. Entire meals can often be obtained in this manner. Travellers should also become familiar with, and exploit the use of, indigenous roots, berries, and other protein sources available at their destination. If restaurants must be utilized, travellers should seek establishments offering “all you can eat” salad bars. This will he especially valuable to employees travelling together, as a single plate can be used to feed one clever group. Employees are also encouraged to bring their own food while on company business. Cans of tuna fish, Spam and Beef-a-roni can be conceniently consumed at your leisure, without the unnecessary bother of heating or other costly preparation.
Entertainment
Entertainment while on travel is discouraged. If such extravagances are required for business reasons, the customer should be encouraged to “pick up the tab”. Such actions will save the company money and also convince the customer that we are concerned about “spending his money on providing a good product for him”, not in useless overhead frivolities which can drive up our prices. Hospitality provided to our customers at our facility shall be tasteful, yet cost-effective. In lieu of frivolous dinners, a picnic bench will be placed in the parking lot complete with garden hose for liquid refreshments.
Miscellaneous
All employees are encouraged to employ innovative techniques in our common effort to save corporate dollars. One enterprising individual has already suggested that money could be raised during airport “layover” periods which could be used to defray travel costs. In support of this idea, “Red Caps” will be issued to all employees prior to departure so that they may earn tips for helping other travellers with their luggage during such periods. Small plastic roses will also be made available to employees so that sales may be made as time permits.
